puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
