Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
