so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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