I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
