just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
