i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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