Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I could fuck to npr.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
