worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
