I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
