OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
