also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
