oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
