I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
