making cat noises will not fix the situation.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
