we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
