My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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