Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
