Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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