I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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