Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
