There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
