Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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