This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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