she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
