You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
