She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
