the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
