I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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