I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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