I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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