It's Friday. Sex?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
