have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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