So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
