There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
