god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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