When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everyone says I win the strip club
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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