do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
