the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
