Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He shit in the fireplace
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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