I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
