happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
