That's intense
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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