Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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