ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
