sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
