the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
