You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
