singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
