I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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