I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
