Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you would pick up someone in the library
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
