Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
