I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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