'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
