His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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