why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
