oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
