he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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