Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
