I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
