i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
