Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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