I'm gonna have a badass scar
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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