my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
