New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Drunk is not a location!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
