This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
