Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
