we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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