We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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