Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We left an ass print on the piano.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
