Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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