I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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