Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
