I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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