how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
