he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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