How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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