Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
