im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
