So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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