shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
