If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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